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She added that the issue is however publicly or privately telling a partner that they were never the preferred choice.
Nigerian filmmaker Jade Osiberu has warned married people against making negative ‘spec’ remarks about their partners. Speaking via her X handle, the 40-year-old explained that telling a spouse they were never your ideal physical type is unnecessary and potentially hurtful.
Osiberu also noted that although people do not have to individuals who fit their physical preferences, they can still have an healthy marriage.
She added that the issue is however publicly or privately telling a partner that they were never the preferred choice.
”I know a number of people who didn’t marry their “spec” but are in the healthiest marriages I know. Their spec was typically whatever was culturally deemed to be at the apex of the attractiveness pyramid when they were growing up. For a lot of guys in my generation, it was the music video “vixens” from the late 90s/early 2000s Hip & R&B music videos with ‘coke bottle figures’ and or light skinned eurocentric features. The foolishness though is communicating it as though their partner somehow didn’t measure up to their “spec” instead of simply admitting that the idea of their spec was stupid all along and a young boy’s lack of wisdom of what makes a good life partner,” she stated.
Osiberu also stressed the need for communication between couples, adding that if someone’s preferences changes over time, they should acknowledge that rather than speak as though their spouse failed to meet a lasting standard.
”Communicating publicly or even privately to your partner that they weren’t your spec to begin with may seem harmless, after-all you’re just being honest. But subconsciously, it’s an ego trip for you who “settled” and for your the partner, it’s a chip they will always carry on their shoulder that to you, they aren’t quite enough. They’re missing something you had always longed for, so much so that you still consider it to be your “spec”. It’s an unnecessary mind fuck and a cruel thing to say about somebody who is sharing a life with you,” she added.
